Selfish vs Selfless

 Sco{ I just re posted a quote by an author "Prose The Writer" on Facebook on selfishness that sparked interest from many... basically stating "I sit and I wonder, do selfish people actually know that they are selfish or is it like having halitosis, where they are so bad, they can't sense it in themselves?" I have sat and wondered this same thing many days and nights as I have been affected by this from family and friends alike. As a child my mom would say " you are too free hearted, one day you'll feel taken advantage of because of your kind heart. Brutha, do things from the heart and never let anyone take advantage." Of course I didn't listen and have been taken advantage of before. It happens once and never happens from the same person ever again(Gemini Ish).
  Selfishness is like a disease, the person that possess it has to be told that they are that way. I don't believe they are aware even after being told however... denial.   Such experiences include being under paid or not even paid for services, this makes the warmest of hearts grow cold.  So at some point you steer clear of those that exhibit selfish behavior. These same people appear ungrateful and soon grow to be lonely as well. It's a domino effect. They learn to only look out for themselves and forever remain that way. Only engaging when it benefits them in some way. One day many years ago, my man Rsonist said to me "This is how I see it, Just as Lauryn Hill put it... Do it from the heart or don't do it. The moment you pay me $5 for my services instead of $50,000 I have lost all respect. I might as well do it for free and keep my dignity."   Then there's selfless... the enjoyment of helping others. You still are getting something out of a situation. Is giving really better than receiving?  I found an interesting video that compares the two.

 Sone{ I believe selfishness stems from being spoiled(beyond childhood years). If you've never had to work and struggle for anything,you grow up expecting.Those who are selfish also learn the ways of manipulation. They have mastered what to say and do to get whatever it is they may want from others. Some are so good at this that the person being taken advantage of doesn't even notice. A lot of the time, feelings can play a big part. If you love a person,you truly only want the best for them. And coming from a woman's standpoint we tend put the feelings of others before ourselves. We're naturally nurturers(most of us) so we always want to make everything better. We can foolishly want to prove a point of being "the one" so we give and give and give while accepting less and less.
  Unfortunately Selfishness is a terrible disease. Selfless people who have been affected by the selfish usually stop being so caring and giving to others out of fear that they'll be "played" yet again. It can cause those pure and unexpecting hearts so much pain that they now no longer have a "heart". It's one of those terrible circles of life things that not too many can avoid or bounce back from 100%. Once your kind hearted ways has been taken advantage of, trust that you'll never truly be the same

Is Respect Earned??

RE-SPECT  (r-spkt)tr.v. re·spect·ed, re·spect·ing, re·spects
1. To feel or show deferential regard for; esteem.2. To avoid violation of or interference with: respect the speed limit.
3. To relate or refer to; concern.n.
1. A feeling of appreciative, often deferential regard; esteem.2. The state of being regarded with honor or esteem.
3. Willingness to show consideration or appreciation.

Sco:  Respect... a word used so loosely. "Respect the crown," "Respect my
authority," "Respect my wishes"...  you get the picture. While most
believe respect is earned, I am here to tell you that I believe
otherwise. When I meet anyone the respect level is at it's highest
point and remains there. It is then up to those individuals to keep it
that way. So if you have ever had the feeling that I disrespected you
then trust, you made it that way.
  Now what would make one think that respect is earned? When
corresponding with certain professionals such as doctors or lawyers
for the first time, at what point did they earn your respect? You
don't know them personally. My point is, why not treat everyone that
cross your path with this same respect? Why would anyone have to earn
it instead of it just being granted.
  I am forced to think that those not displaying respect for all have
some type of trust issues. Maybe they have premeditated expectations
to be treated disrespectfully. Granted, we have all been mistreated at
some point by someone. I don't think others actions should dictate how
you present yourself to everyone.

Sone:  Esco, I agree with alot of what you said but when does that "respect others" run it's course?? From a young girl I remember being told to respect my elders(which is why I put a handle to friend's parents/aunts/uncles,older co-workers, church family,etc) because I would never be equal to them. I've come to realize that some people take this toooo far. There are some elders who truly believe that since they've roamed this Earth for such a long time, you're EXPECTED to respect them and their actions,views and thoughts but that doesn't mean they must give you the same in return. I've been told off in my younger years by some old folk and it took every fiber of my being not to snap simply because they're an elder but I quickly realized that if you let them know respect goes BOTH ways, things change immediately.
  While working in a housing facility, I came across a few angry elders who saw me as a "baby" and felt they would come to that office and talk CRAZY to me. I let them rock for a while when I first got hired but I grew tired fast. I had to tell one tenant "Listen here I show you NOTHING but respect when you come here flipping out but enough is enough! I am NOT a child and furthermore I am NOT YOUR CHILD so you're gonna watch how you speak to me from here on out. Being OLD doesn't give you the right to be DISRESPECTFUL!" She stormed off and came back days later to apologize and we were cool since then.
  Some people will step all over you if it's allowed so I take that whole "respect everyone" with a grain of salt. Can I respect you if I don't respect your actions? Or your views simply because you're a person? I can be cordial but respect?? Hmmm..It's a difficult multi-faceted decision that I'm sure everyone will have a different take on.

Be Blessed,
  Sonja & Esco

KICKING IT WITH SONJA and ESCO

Sonja: Waddup lol

  Esco:  Chilling.... all day I've been interacting with people having etiquette problems

both men and women

Sonja:  Guess you got a few signs

  Esco:  I guess you can blame parents huh?

Sonja:  Yes upbringing plays a huge part in my opinion

  Esco:  to an extent though, because as an adult you have to take initiative to learn at some point

Sonja:  I said a huge part not totally..But even as an adult there are certain things we do around our peers that we wont do around our parents because we ultimately know it isn't right

Or we weren't brought up to act or speak in that manner

  Esco:  For example, I took etiquette classes and even Salsa which sounds ridiculous until I crossed my knife and fork one day at dinner and the waitress knew I was finished eating or even last Summer dancing Salsa with my date at a wedding. Whereas I wouldn't have known these "gentleman like things" without taking initiative to learn. Very true point... what's crazy though is what even has us on this topic. The damn video we both witnessed where a woman was on the toilet giving others advice

Sonja:  Ok that's cool but you shouldn't have to take a class for certain things..No one should have to "teach" a female to sit with your legs crossed as an adult or holding the door for women as a man..There are simple small but crucial things you learn as a child. My mother never had to tell me not to videotape myself using the bathroom for me to not do it you know what I mean?? Some things are just a given

I think society has allowed us to become soooo lax that anything goes and it's not cool in my eyes

  Esco:  O, of course.. agreed.  I think it's the lack of or need for ATTENTION

Sonja:  I can love a man with all my heart but what I do in the privacy of my 4 bathroom walls WILL NOT be shared with him..EVER

  Esco:  Live with a man and that will change

Sonja:  Same man bigging you up for not giving a F wont be the same man trying to holler..I GUARANTEE THAT!!  Nah it wont..I have no doubt about that

  Esco:  I know I'm certainly not down for some nasty, classless mess like that.

Sonja:  Some women take being "one of the boys" to another level that I'm not trying to reach. I'm content with being a lady and shall remain as such. I understand that we're all human but that's no excuse.."Sh*t happens" when you allow it to..Not me said the bee

  Esco:  That's something you don't hear often and I definitely commend you for maintaining a LADY IMAGE

Sonja:  Your image is ultimately all you have..It's a reflection of you AND your upbringing..I'm not trying to be out here shaming my mama lol

  Esco:  lol, sounding like a young southern girl... that's real though

Sonja:  It runs through these veins lol

  Esco:  So many men aren't displaying etiquette/class as well... i.e. Pants Hanging Off Of The Ass, Calling Women Out Of Their Name.  As a man, I think when men do little dumb things and a female "giggles" at it, it's sort of a cosign

Sonja:  Yes that's right BUT it's only due to women not DEMANDING better

  Esco:  truth be told, most men move from the reactions of women

you know, bottle popping... colognes... respect or lack of respect

Sonja:  We as women set the tone. If a man can get away with it,he will period point blank

MAJORITY of what men do is based behind women..If only more females can get that through their heads,oh what a different world this would be

  Esco:  I def agree, can't even front like it's not the truth.  The funny thing is that my current FB post is pretty much about the hook "AS LONG AS MY BITCHES LOVE ME"  When did women give the ok on the word Bitch??

Sonja:  I saw it and I get where you're coming from..And I think alot of women do.  But only I can give that word power..If someone who I'm personally connected to uses that word towards me, then I may take it differently but to hear it in song means nothing to me honestly.

  Esco:  That's nuts to me... women degrade each other and now allow men to do the same. You're not the regular run of the mill Sonja

Sonja:  Idk..Everyone will have their own opinion of that word just like the word nigga..It's all about who says it, the context and the emotions it makes you feel when hearing it

   Esco:  Maybe I'm just old school or everything is just socially acceptable now

Sonja:  I wouldn't say everything but it ultimately depends on the person

  Esco:  I'm not going to keep you though, get your rest

Sonja:  Ok..ttys good night

  Esco:  Night

Be Blessed,
  Sonja & Esco

Social Media... from the minds of two Geminis

  So often it is suggested to me that I should write a book or get back to blogging when commenting on social sites. I have even had an author friend stay on my heels about starting my outline. Honestly, there is so much on my mind at all times that I wouldn't know where to begin. As far as the blogging goes; I was more so sharing music, fashion and my honest thought of that morning. These topics are my loves in life but not exactly my make up of my life. I thrive off of experiences.
  A little background of myself includes being a father, son, brother and a business man. I'm sure you may know someone who also quotes that line from Jay-Z stating they too are a "Business Maaan." If it seems profitable and brings forth growth personally for me, then where do I sign up? As far as business, I have been an auto mechanic by trade and an entertainment manager by blessings. Life is constantly evolving and with each opportunity I do the same. I'm taking this opportunity to enlighten others on my perspective from past or present experiences.
  In my experiences with social sites, there has been much that others relate to and much that I can only appreciate. Social sites get so much flack for exposing certain elements of a person or even ruining relationships. How a person is on these sites are not necessarily the actual values a person may possess, as often times the text may not deliver the way intended. Some seek attention while others are very driven to give it. I once posted the question 'Who's thirstier, the woman half naked posing or the two hundred guys that left comments?' I believe people are who they are without the help of others or these sites. Of course some present themselves to be a certain way, but people also do the same in person. Social media has helped me tremendously with certain aspects of business, therefore I tip my hat to those that took their idea and created such sites.
  Social sites are great networking and business tools when used wisely. Social networking sites like Facebook, Google+, LinkedIn, Instagram or Twitter can be an effective way to market events, products and public presentations. These sites can also be helpful in selling your art work, posting performances, engaging in discussions with audiences and fans, along with research and development for new opportunities and ideas. Different sites have different purposes, users and functionalities.

This of course is my perspective, now enjoy that of my friend Sonja.

Oh wow after an in depth intro like that,where do I begin? Lol

     Much like my friend Esco I too have been told plenty of times to put thoughts on paper or on a blog for others to see. My mind is like an ever changing puzzle, the piece that fit yesterday may not tomorrow. I'm always thinking of the next step, sometimes so much that I don't fully enjoy the now.
  I'm a college graduate(currently pursuing a master's degree) who's working toward the ultimate goal of opening my own group home. My passion for helping those who can't help themselves pushes me to constantly remain humble and do what I can to help whenever I'm able. Young black girls hold a dear place in my heart because the "world" doesn't allow us to see how great we truly are. The days of "ladies being ladies" have vanished into thin air. Long gone are the times where girls jumped rope, played with dolls and shooed little nosey boys away. I'm only one person but every opportunity I get to empower our babies and even our adults, I will!
  Social media does have it's good qualities. I have reconnected with friends I haven't seen since grade school, old crushes I parted ways with many moons ago lol and family I have never met. But for every good thing, there has to be some bad(way of the world). Plenty of these sites have placed people on unrealistic pedestals and given folks this false sense of entitlement. "Likes" have become the new age "yes men". It's given those who don't have a strong sense of self the validation they seek not knowing it can only be found WITHIN self.
  I mean don't get me wrong, we women ALL have posed seductively in pics whether you tooting it for the camera or showing some cleavage but if more than half of your photos show this, then there's a problem. If the majority of your posts are geared toward sex, there's a problem. If you expect ANYONE to respect or take you seriously while displaying this, then there's a SERIOUS problem. The quote "Only God Can Judge Me" can only take you but so far. What you SHOW is what you BECOME to others! This all comes back to my passion for empowerment. If they knew better from a young child, they'd definitely do better as an adult. 

                          Signed, 

                            Sonja and Esco